About Faith
I worked long and hard with a very smart editor at O Magazine named Deborah Way to figure out just how to articulate where I am with faith these days. The back and forth, draft after draft, was the closest thing to therapy that I've had in years. Although there is much left to resolve, I was able to come up with a couple thousand words about it and you can read them in the May issue, which has just hit the newsstands. Since this was written, I've dug into the Bible (a children's version, in particular), some C.S. Lewis, a refresher course on Greek and Roman mythology and a collection of poetry called In Praise of Mortality, by Rilke. Oh, and the 2004 novel, Gilead. Hard to say yet where it's all leading but it definitely feels worthwhile.
The photo that runs with the essay was taken in New York, in January, the same week The Middle Place came out. My dad was with me as the original idea for the photo was to get him walking into the Cathedral and me hesitating out front. [St. Patrick's Cathedral has a noon mass that my dad used to frequent before he retired and stopped commuting to New York.] But in the end, the shot they went to print with was one of the very last they took, while my dad was around the corner getting us coffees. Greenie, you were robbed. I am very interested to hear from you about your faith (in God, yoga, nature, retail therapy, service--whatever you believe in) so if you have thoughts after you read the essay, please post them.
posted by Kelly Corrigan at 8:42 PM
52 Comments:
Kelly,
I, too, have begun questioning my faith as of late. I grew up, like you, in a large, loud, very Irish Catholic family. Going to Mass was just what we did, no questions asked...kind of like getting our teeth cleaned every six months or buying our socks and underwear at Sears each summer before school started. I don't remember any one of these aforementioned rituals meaning more to me than the others and that is probably why I'm at where I'm at right now. It has taken some four decades for me to begin understanding why I feel like I do, but I think I finally have a handle on it, so I will try and explain it to you.
To put it in its simplest terms, I believe humans, from the dawn of time, seek out what they need to feel empowered, worthy, justified and content. From fire for the cavemen to Jesus Christ for Christians (and many other historical leaders, some legitimate and some not) we seek an answer for the disorder and unhappiness in our lives. And when that perception arrives, we latch onto it, hook, line and sinker. And therein lies the problem for me.
I have come to believe, through experiencing some very difficult times in my life, that I am responsible for seeking the happiness that will follow the suffering in my life. I do not believe there is any diety who intentionally drops these arduous challenges into my lap and who believes that by solving these Rubix cubes of life, I will ulitmately become a stronger person.
What I do believe is this; it is easier to pin your hopes on someone or something else. It is easier to hope and pray and wait, and hope and pray and wait, until what you believe you were waiting for finally arrives, handed down to you from up above. It is much more difficult to wade through the muddy waters yourself, sludging (is that even a word?), sloshing and pulling yourself along until you finally make it to the other side of the river. People who live in the first example look towards the sky and offer thanks, go to Mass, take out the rosary beads, light a candle or put a little more money in the collection basket. People in the latter scenario need only look in one place; the mirror.
I am certainly not condemning anyone who believes differently than me. But I will say that by finally realizing and accepting what I now know is true, I can stop feeling guilty. I am 99% responsible for my own happiness. The other 1% comes from my family and friends advice, support and love. It has, in a way, made me whole. I am no longer searching for a faith I cannot grasp. Instead, my faith comes from believing in the simplest of things...myself.
I called my mother recently and we talked about a health issue I am going through. We talked about my doctors and complications and test results. She suggested I pray and before I knew it, I was relaying to her my newfound beliefs. I mean this is a woman who went to Catholic school her whole life, taught CCD, worked at a Jesuit college for 30 years, attends Mass several times a week and runs her parrish's soup kitchen. What the heck was I thinking? But, instead of getting a lecture worthy of the Sermon on the Mount, all she said was, "It can't hurt." Talk about faith.
All the best,
Mary Beth Connors
Manchester, NH
Kelly, I always enjoy your articles and this will have to be a qucik post because I just put our little one down and the two older ones are jumping from the couch- which will soon turn into a fight or some tears in mere moments (however right now they are laughing their heads-off). I wanted to add a little on to MB's comments which were also very eloquent. I believe Faith is that safety net you need when things are tough- even when you don't know how bad it really is. I feel faith as you said can come in many forms (whatever makes you feel good, re-charges your battery, gets you off the mat for the next round.) You need to find it and make no apologize to anyone about what it is. However as MB pointed out and I fimly believe that you can't let that faith have you sitting around waiting for it to do the heavy lifting. Rarely in life do things fix themselves. Use your faith not as a reason to wait but as the thing that moves you forwad at whatever pace but moves you foward. There is an increible quote by MLK (which I am probaly butchering a little but) it says, "If you can't run walk, if you can't walk crawl if you can't crawl by whatever means just keep moving forward. Faith is incredibly powerful but like all things to much of a good thing can be a bad thing when it holds you back, keeps you siting around waiting for soemthing, someone to make your life better. Don't let your chosen form of faith rob you of your greatest weapons the belief ,attitude and knowledge that you have the ability to move your life forward and make your life better. Faith can and should be in the mix but it isn't the only ingredient.
Take care,
Bill Cawley
Wilmington. DE
hey kelly, I haven't had the chance to read the o article yet but wanted to congratulate you for having some faith. the thing that bothered me w/tmp was your mention that you didn't have alot of faith. growing up from our church and school, pegs made sure we did all the good stuff catholics did, but I saw alot of hypocrisy... I wanted my kids to live with god on a daily basis without the fear that the church had instilled in me, (tho' hugh says they aren't like that anymore), so they were baptized methodist and since we lived on a bridgeless barrier island, it was easy to see god in action (mother earth/father time) and help them honor life, past and present and future. now, I think church is great for alot of people but isn't necessary for a relationshop with god. we are all headed in the same direction, just taking different paths. some are more difficult than others but ultimately we all take the same things with us... your heart, soul, spirit, karma, chi, whatever you want to call it. I heard one of my kids tell someone that we didn't go to an organized church but that we were "golden rulers"- treat others the way you want to be treated. as a person who has had a near death experience and have had dreams come true, (very creepy- conversation in dream turns out to contain true facts previously unknown), I can attest to the fact that there is more to life than here on earth....joke is we're an experiment gone awry, "put them in that universe, the one with the 9planets, they can't do too much damage....or can they??" if our "gift" is freewill....then the answer is "love". the person that gives and receives the most love at the end is the winner. love to you and yours, tracy holzapfel. god bless us all....real good.
Dear Kelly,
This may not be the correct place to leave this comment, but I got your book yesterday and I am just about to finish it in the next half-hour and I am compelled to tell you that I think it is TOTALLY BRILLIANT! Your writing is just the best and I am completely immersed in your book and don't want it to end.
I wish you all the success in the world and all good things!!! Can't wait for your next book!
Sincerely,
Laura Duet
Downers Grove, IL
Kelly-
Growing up, my father was a pastor, so the great majoritiy of my childhood and youth was spent inside the four walls of the church, and with people who claimed to be "christians".
These experiences did not drive me to rebellion, like I've seen them do in certain cases, but they also didn't ensure that I would never wonder and doubt the faith that I had inherited, not discovered on my own.
As I grew up, my "faith" really wasn't "faith", because I didn't know WHAT I believed, I just knew I believed in something---because I had to. When I realized that, I began to wonder about God on a deeper level---and as we all know, thinking about the vastness of God and the universe and all that "faith" requires is mind-boggling and can be dis-heartening....However, through my search, which did take me through many dark valleys of disbelief and doubt, I came to find MY own faith, and not that of my father.
I came to discover that at times I felt disatsifed with simply "believing what my father believed" because I realized that faith is personal. My dad didn't believe in God for the same reasons that I would come to. Faith is not so much a BELIEF to me or something that I must KNOW (because we will never KNOW enough to have faith make sense), it is about feeling that God is there, with us and providing for us.
I don't affiliate with a certain denomination of faith, I affiliate with God, and God alone---no doctrine, no rules...just God. And when you put yourself in this connection with God, the love and goodness that many people strive for, comes more naturally. Is everything perfect and peachy? NO--Why? because we live in a world that is evil and are not promised protection from the things that happen here---the only promise we have is that there will be a big God there, holding our hand while we cry and mourn.....and in the same token, He is there while we laugh and rejoice as well.
I believe because I have seen God provide and I can feel Him inside of me and I can sense Him around me. Even the Bible stories don't completely cement my faith....they help confirm the things that I have experienced, but it always comes back to ME---I have faith because I have seen....I have felt...
After reading your article in "O", I realized that we are all on a journey, and no one can get to the end by riding in on someone elses coat-tails (even those of our parents). Your parents faith can help motivate you to find your own, but it can never be reason enough for you to believe---and I know you realize that---hence the article :) However, know that you are not alone in your doubt, but try to look at faith and God, not from the perspective of what you CAN'T understand about God, and all the many things that DON'T make sense, and focus on all the things that do....Intellect is a gift and a curse....use it, but don't let it use you up.....set your whirling mind aside for awhile, because even it is only so capable, and let yourself feel God, then let that fuel your faith. This is not easy---as an intellectual person who thinks WAY too much and over-analyzes and plans plans plans--I know this is hard, but it was the only way faith worked for me.....perhaps it can work for you too.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts,
Ashley Fauls
MI
I really enjoyed the article. It definitely echoes where I am in my beliefs...or rather...hopes.
Thanks for your honesty.
Hi Kelly,
I just read your article in this month's O magazine. You put into words exactly what I could never articulate. What a beautiful piece of writing- thank you! My favorite part was the quote from your husband, "... being with them is the most spiritual experience of my life, etc." I also have two girls, ages 6 and 4 and I am going to use that line when the time comes. :-)
I googled your name to discover the details of your book-- I am off to purchase it.
Congratulations,
Tracy Klebe
St. Louis, MO
I have tremendous, unflinching faith in God, mixed with little to no faith in religion.
Hey Kelly-
Loved your book- your writing "voice" is great. I recommended it to all my friends.
I started thinking about this post on faith and I'm sorry to say I ended up with a disseration on faith. Way too much for a comment box, it would probably bring down your servers, so I posted it on my blog:
http://adh-oneday.blogspot.com/2008/07/on-faith.html
Looking forward to your next book!
Amy
Kelly,
I read your book and was somewhat taken aback at how you (almost to a fault), idolize your dad and at the same time, continually put down your mom. (not to mention that she is still alive!)I hope she has a thick skin. I have 4 children and would pray that they would never write a book to make me appear in such a negative light. Even if it were true!
Your comment that beleiving in a higher power is "foolish" offended me. I think that NOT beleiving in a higher power is sad. Why in the world would any intelligent being believe that there is no rhyme or reason to our being here on this earth?? That we are just born to die. And then nothing. That sounds more crazy to me!! Our minds our very finite in this world. Years ago, no one could imagine a mega ton airplane getting of the ground let alone, flying. What about the internet and our ability to communicate instantaneously with others. An immpossiblity just a few short years ago. There are so many things that are possible that our minds just don't know about yet. How sad to believe that there is a limit to all of this and that we are all here on a crap shoot!
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Kelly,
I just got through reading your book and hunted down your blog page. So, I thought I'd chime in on this topic of faith.
I'm a Christian. Probably one of those social conservative ones you roll your eyes at. But that's ok, I can take it. I'm not Catholic, but I'm sympathetic (being semi Anglican myself).
I don't know how I know God is real. I can't give you empirical proof that would likely convince anyone. I've always tried to get outside myself and question my presuppositions, see things from another perspective. But no matter how many times I allow myself to go down that road and really ponder what a world where there is no God would be like, it just doesn't compute. Too much order, beauty, something or other that just doesn't make sense without a Creator in charge of it all. Even with the hurt and pain that comes with the package I still just "know", as the song says, "my Redeemer lives." Love itself seems like complete silliness if all it is is an evolutionary, biological response. It's simply too "other" and too real not to have its anchor in something that transcends us and this world I guess.
Just let me say this...I love that you're asking the questions that matter. Regardless of what "side" of this fence we're on, we've got to be honest and authentic and engage the doubts about our current assessment of things. Even someone who claims to have faith can't have very deep roots if the faith they have can't withstand scrutiny and questioning. So thanks for opening up about the things going on in your own mind and letting us say a few words about where we are on that journey as well.
Bryan M.
Montgomery, AL
I just read my comment that I obviously typed in a hurry. So before you think I'm a total idiot: I noticed that "believe" is mispelled (twice!) and "of" should have been "off" and I also mispelled "impossiblity" Sorry
I too am fascinated with people, and their faiths. I have friends that attend church, and it appears to me that it is social. It is their circle of family/friends. As a child I envied that, but when I grew to a teen, I was glad we slept in on Sundays. My father has always proclaimed he was an atheist. We witnessed his goodness, his huge heart, and that he always did the right thing. A very honest man.
As a High School Graduate in 1976, I didn't go to my baccalaureate. I wasn't sad, but when my daughter's came along, there was no question, we went... it was the right thing to do, and she gave a great speech.
She pulled it off as faith, friends, without the Jesus thing.. it was good. I was conflicted on how to raise her. I went through some very hard times, and wish I could have bought into the whole religious thing... It would have
relieved some of the pressure from my shoulders.. but learned to look at everything realistically, and to deal.. so maybe good, well it was good for me. I taught my daughter to be a good person, honest, a person of value. She used to list
herself as atheist *(she's 18)
but now, this is her reply to Religion: Unitarian Universalism/ Buddhist/ Existentialist/ Agnostic/ other...I'm well rounded .. I usually put Religion: When I do good, I feel good. but I'm searching for a better way to express it. I used to think that Christians were so wrong to think that their religion was the ONE and ONLY. How could they be so arrogant and single minded. Then I got it, they were taught that. Then I thought about Mormons, and say Methodists... far apart on beliefs. But you don't usually pick religion, it's what your parents are.. Like me, I was free to choose. and I still choose my parents beliefs .. because I can remember my dad saying how he didn't need church...etc. But I am a very spiritual person. Unlike my parents, i would say....but maybe they are and it was private? But I meditate and think things over, and that is my prayer.. I think Prayer is just a word.. but when I pray for someone (which I never say, I'm praying for you )
I think of a solution for them... or feel for them, try to put myself in there shoes, anticipate their needs. That is my prayer. Good thoughts.. I don't believe in A God, my daughter told a teacher in school that God was Santa Clause for adults. (it didn't go over well) But of course you get where she was going with it. As long as you believe in right and wrong and do the right thing... you don't need that "God with get you" deal...you do right for your self, and others. Which brings up the bracelets WWJD... My daughter told me "some people need that to do the right thing... I don't.." then I worried that she was the arrogant one. So we chatted, and figured it out. She is in Italy now on a Rotary Scholarship, and will go to college next year... she wants to do music or journalism... she thinks, but last time I talked to her she said, you know my host parents are Catholic... might be a good way to go... I'd like to pray and find some answers about my college and career path....I said so do it. Doesn't matter who you pray to really, or if you discuss it with yourself... just figure it out. And the best part about being human is you can keep changing your mind and re inventing yourself. Isn't that what life is about.
I want to tell you I stumbled upon your site because a friend emailed me your moving readings... I moved on to your site and the Circus site
(i finished treatment for breast cancer 3 years ago.. chemo, radiation, mastectomy, ) My daughter was 14 when I was diagnosis. I am forwarding your site and readings to her in Italy.
I can't wait for her remarks , I know she will love you as much as I do. Thank you so very much...
Dear Kelly,
Thank you for your honesty! I'm 42 and was holding my mom's hand 6 weeks ago when she passed away after fighting breast cancer for 15 years. I know that God exists and that He cares about our life - every minute of our life. I'm going to pray every day, that He will make Himself known to you in a way that you can no longer wonder about His existance. I've posted a little bit of what I read at my mom's memorial December 6th knowing that you would understand - because you are both a mother and a daughter just like me...
"For the last 3 months I took dinner up to mom everyday, fed her, got her ready for bed, gave her a kiss and headed for home. I would pray the whole way. Being very honest I would say things like, this doesn’t make sense, this isn’t fair… This doesn’t feel like the “Abundant life” that you have promised. Sometimes I’d even say “you are a bad heavenly father… and by the time I was half way home, my prayers would change – I’d say thank you for giving me a mom that told me I was pretty. A mom who told me I could do anything… Who wouldn’t let me quit piano lessons. A Mom who taught me that even when things didn’t make sense, I could trust God’s heart. She made sure that we knew God – sending us to Christian School, keeping us involved in church so that we knew His track record, we knew that He has plans for us that are not chaotic or haphazard… Because of that I knew that as much as I didn’t want her to leave – he was waiting just as earnestly for her to arrive there.
Two weeks ago, it was apparent that I should call in the cavalry. Lani and Justin came home and the three of us stayed with her right up to the end. That was the way mom wanted it.
I was blessed to be her daughter
Kelly,
I recently saw your youtube vidoe on Women Transcending and then ordered your book. I finished the book tonight and really loved it.
This discussion on faith is interesting to me. I have been a person of naive, unquestioning faith all my life. And then on July 29, 2007, my 18 year old son, Ryan, drowned while life guarding at a summer camp. As you say in your essay "God forbid a child." Losing my precious child has shattered my world into a million pieces and tested my faith beyond anything I ever imagined. For a long time I questioned whether God existed (the God to whom I had prayed to protect my children from needless tragedy every day of their lives). I questioned how a loving, omnipotent God could and would allow such a tragedy to happen to a great kid and a really good family. I asked my pastor if she believed in hell and she said "I think you're there now."
I questioned everything I had ever believed.
It has now been almost 18 months since my son died. I still have many questions but somehow I know God is real. Maybe I just have to believe he is real and that I will see my son again in order to keep my sanity. But I sure hope there is that place where we'll all be together again someday. I hope Greenie is right.
Lynn Dickerson
Sacramento, CA
Kelly,
As an intellectual, you have found the space to question God's existence in organized religion. Faith, for me at least, is not about being right. Faith, for me is not about organized religion, though I am a cradle United Methodist. It is knowing that I have survived physically, mentally and spiritually very difficult situations not solely through what I have done, but by being supported by the prayers of others and through God's love. A community of believers supports each other and helps strengthen thier belief and faith. I pray that you find a supportive community of believers.
Have you read any of the works of the ancient poet Rumi?
Didn't I Tell You
Didn't I tell you
not to go to that place?
It is me, who is your intimate friend.
In this imaginary plain of non-existence,
I am your spring of eternal life.
Even if you lose yourself in wrath
for a hundred thousand years,
at the end you will discover,
it is me, who is the culmination of your dreams.
Didn't I tell you
not to be satisfied with the veil of this world?
I am the master illusionist,
it is me, who is the welcoming banner at the gate of your contentment.
Didn't I tell you?
I am an ocean, you are a fish;
do not go to the dry land,
it is me, who is your comforting body of water.
Didn't I tell you
not to fall in this trap like a blind bird?
I am your wings, I am the strength in your wings,
I am the wind keeping you in flight.
Didn't I tell you
that they will kidnap you from the path?
They will steal your warmth,
and take your devotion away.
I am your fire, I am your heartbeat,
I am the life in your breath.
Didn't I tell you?
They will accuse you of all the wrongdoings,
they will call you ugly names,
they will make you forget
it is me, who is the source of your happiness.
Didn't I tell you?
Wonder not, how your life will turn out,
how you will ever get your world in order,
it is me, who is your omnipresent creator.
If your are a guiding torch of the heart,
know the path to that house.
If you are a person of God, know this,
It is me, who is the chief of the village of your life.
All Rights Reserved
I have not heard of you. My sister sent me a "You Tube" this week...Transcending. It brought tears to my eyes. I thought "I would love to meet that woman". For now, I want to comment on faith. My husband and I have adopted 6 six children, first a sibling group of 4, then 2 more that belonged to the same group. We waited a long time for our family to come. I was never sure what God's plan was for us, until this happened. I am what you would call a cradle Catholic. I grew up in a Catholic home with 5 sisters and 5 brothers. I will write a book to tell my story, but I know this--there have been many days in my life when my faith has been tested. I trusted and waited, and by doing so, God has given me an unshakable faith.
The day after my mother died, 15 years ago, I came home to my tiny little studio apartment in near exhaustion. After walking in the front door, I looked up at a photograph my Father had taken, Dad's a new age photographer who takes misty shots of Lake Tahoe (our hometown) and gives them healing names like "clarity". Anyhow, this picture was called, "Heaven's Gate". So I walk in the door and look up and I see this thing over my right shoulder, like a glaring light, just all this glowing, white energy and I freeze for I know it's my Mom. I stood there until I collapsed from emotional exhaustion, yet, it was one of the most powerful moments I have ever had in my life.
When I think about faith, I think about that moment. I think about this unexplainable energy that came one last time to say goodbye.
I don't know what he or she is called and I can't explain what it is, all I know is that something bigger than me is out there.
On a final note, thank you for sharing your story and writing your book. I read it in a day yesterday, completely ignoring the rest of the world and feel, oddly, connected to you and the rest of the Corrigans. In fact, I've been Googling all morning to see if Greenie is okay. You have a gift in storytelling and a humourous light that is infectious.
Thanks.
Hi Kelly:
I think we've had many parallel experiences, including a brother with a Boa. I knew very early in life in the midst of my Catholic school daze that it wasn't right for me. I felt the hypocrisy all around from the mean-spirited nuns who mocked 'the publics' (kids who went to public school were all criminals) to the untimely death of my father when I was 6 (and the youngest of 7). I somehow intuitively distrusted all of it, despite living in a home where my mother blindly and obligingly accepted all of it. When I started dating a Jewish man, I knew my mother would have a hard time and the first thing I could think of that would shut her up (we seem to have a similar relationship to you and your mom) was to say that Jesus was Jewish. So, now I am married to said Jew, raising a daughter Jewish but not quite ready to make the plunge into another organized religion. I pray, I think, I reflect but I don't believe in the hierarchy of religion and man's lame interpretation of it. I believe in God. I am spiritual. I do not embrace the rituals. I hope I get to see my father in heaven and others I love who have died, but I don't believe in hell. I guess I am taking the same cafeteria approach to religion as always; leave the green jello behind and look for the cheesecake. Give my regards to your brother GT - he played on the Wings when I was their PR manager. Mary
Kelly,
YOU ARE A GIFT!!!
I have told every woman I know about your book, You-Tube and spot on Borders...
I think I am about 10 years ahead of you by age and parenthood...I had my first daughter at 35, the second at 36. My first marriage ended in widowhood at 30 yrs old. I was lucky enough to have a second chance at love and have a loving husband ('just celebrated 20 years), two living parents (I idealized my dad and didn't really learn to appreciate my mom until I, too was a mom), two beautiful and smart daughters, both now away at college...(they are probably still regarding me in the eye-rolling stage).
When my older daughter was in elementary school, several moms started "Bible Studies" after school, in hopes of "breaking the clicks" ... when I would go to pick up my fifth grader after these gatherings, I would watch as all the little girls leave from the "Bible Study", forming back into "little clicks" as they left...
My daughter was confussed by my disenchantment and expressed that she didn't know what she believed...My husband and I (who had not joined a church and came from different backgrounds, catholic and protestant) decided it was time to find an "organized religion" that we felt would fill our need and not brainwash...we ended-up at the Episcopal church, which served our purpose...
I found the most comforting aspect coming from the Baptismal Prayer in which it says "Give them an inquiring and discerning heart, the courage to will and to persevere..." you don't have to check your brain at the door...
That older daughter is now a college sophomore and still wants to debate "the nicene creed"... our younger daughter is a freshman at an Episcopal University and thinks she wants to major in psychology ... I thank my god (whoever I perceive him or her to be) for my growing daughters with inquiring and discerning minds.
Thanks for validating my faith,
DC
Tennessee
Kelly,
I want to thank you for your book, the way you shared your story so honestly, and for the way it touched my life. I hope to be able to write as well someday and I have recommended "The Middle Place" to as many people as I can - the ones who will listen to me rave about it long enough!
I also wanted to leave a note for you about MY religious beliefs. I was born and raised a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints - a group more commonly known as "Mormons" in our society. No matter what anyone says about us or what it is we believe, I want you to know that I believe what I believe for myself. I've had my share of difficult experiences in my life and have always found strength from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And I feel truly blessed to have a set of beliefs that allow to me to live my life in such a way that I can say, "I am happy. I know why I'm here and I know where I'm going," and that I can say that with complete honesty. I have the greatest respect for people of all religions and I am always looking for ways to share the joy that I feel because of the truth that I believe comes from my religious background. We believe that families can and will be together forever and I know that is something that is important to so many of us - I know it is to you. There is nothing more important than family, right? I truly believe that.
I hope that the joy you have spread with your story continues to come back and touch your life for the better. I wish I could share ALL of my beliefs with you, but try www.mormon.org if you want to know more. It's a wonderful website that answers many questions for anyone who is searching for them.
Thank you again, Kelly. Take care and God bless you and your family.
With gratitude,
Stephanie Hyde
Wilton, CT
I absolutely love the picture of the underwear almost making it to the hamper. I have raised 3 sons, so I can identify!
I just finished reading your book and found it to be very good - any book that can make me laugh and cry is a winner!
I am glad to know that you are on a quest to define your faith. Personally, I believe in God as the creator and sustainer of the universe; you will find answers as you read the Bible and surround yourself with wise counsel.
Elizabeth Rhea
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Faith is to have an authority over your life.
Kelly,
Faith is about having an authority over your life.
You have been thru something only most can imagine and anyone with a right mind would not want to go thru what you have which is so close to death. Each of us have had such battles, as have I, today my battles are now “gifts”. There were beacons of hope which pulled me thru, although there was a constant distance which I felt from who I was and who I wanted to be, never ever seeming to reach the true self I wanted to be. It may be similar to your life as it was in mine; I wanted my life to be filled with specific thoughts, feelings, and things, which once I obtained them or receive them my life still felt empty.
Then a cycle begins, a spiral of consumption of all the world has to offer, such was my case. But then as I hit rock bottom, a change came. The turning point was with a girl whom I knew and was told by my Lord Jesus I was going to marry, although she did not feel the same way. To be continued…
From: My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers 12/17 http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php
The majority of people think of themselves as being completely moral, and have no sense of need for the gospel. It is God who creates this sense of need in a human being, but that person remains totally unaware of his need until God makes Himself evident. (Matthew 7:7 (NIV) "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ) But God cannot give until a man asks...
It was in 1997, when the "still quiet" voice of Jesus spoke. In 1972 I graduated from St. Joseph 8th grade class and I was asked to be the speaker in place of the Sunday "Sermon" as to how St. Joseph School had changed my life as far as academics. In 1967 I was diagnosed with (my "Gift") dyslexia. The Headmaster of St. Joseph was interviewing my parents when he asked if I had dyslexia and to my parents it was a breeze of fresh air. The previous school I had attended would not allow me back to their school because of my outside behavior which was a result of the inside failure I was experiencing.
In 1971 I was in 7th grade at the time of my admission which was the beginning of a long and emotional ride to a college degree. See St. Joseph School was acting just like Jesus acted when before time began as we know it, He was coming to earth as a baby to live and die for us. He did not come to the world to condemn it but to save it. As this school did for me they were not condemning me as an outcast with documented marginal grades and disciplinary action which had resulted in my not being accepted back to another private school in town.
My life was given a second chance by this school. After graduating from St. Joseph School I went to High School where my mother says I graduated in the top 50%, then on to applying for college. My SAT score timed was 650 and untimed was 800. Application went out to 10 colleges in the USA and only three came back with acceptance. Eventually after failing out of college twice I graduated from college with a BA in Psychology.
Well as I pulled up in 1997 I was in my car and was looking at the classrooms where I had once attended and I saw Ann. We had been out on a blind date in 1995 but it was a disaster, because of who I was, but when I pulled up and sat the "still small voice" whispered that is the girl you are going to marry…to be continued.
Romans 8:24-25 (NIV) 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the fall of 1998 I had just completed my first medical mission trip to Peru on the Amazon River, and I had been asked by her friend Leslie to come and talk to her class at a public school about our mission trip. Well the public school was not friendly to Christians coming and talking about Christ and His work through medical missions. Well Ann said she would like for me to come and talk to her class about the trip. At the same time she and I were in a class called “finding the love of your life” taught by a Pastor friend, who was the spiritual leader of our mission trip. He had actually asked me to attend the class, by saying there were 12 women who were in this class with no men.
Every time I went I was hoping that she would sit by me it was like I was in Elementary school, but there was never any true bonding from her side and I was not sure that I wanted to get hurt, so I stayed out of the emotions.
I would ask her for a date for everything I could think of, but to no avail. Sometimes she would come to something, like a office party, or my 40th birthday party, but there were only times of such encounters that I would experience hope. Hope is what was fed on February 1998 I asked her to watch Leonid Meteor shower with my parents, the night before they had been spectacular.
But it was not to long after I asked her out to dinner and then it was back to the old yes no maybe. Then came an Alumni fundraiser event which became a turning point. After asking her to go I received a series of answers, one was I’ll go, and then I’m going to church so I’ll meet you there, that was the final straw, I called her and left a message that if she didn’t call me by 2:30 p.m. then I was going to ask some one else. 2:30 p.m. came and I called her left a message that I was going to ask some one else. I drove away from my house where she was to have left a message, I was driving north returning to work on a particular street when I literally pushed myself away from the table with the Lord. I said to Him, “Lord I thought Ann was the girl I was going to marry and I thought you had made that clear to me years ago at St. Joseph. So now it seems as if she is not the one who you picked out for me, and so I’m giving her back to you. She is all yours, I’m over trying to ask her out, she is all yours, you can have her back. It seems as if it is not going to work out.” The Lord Jesus said to me “okay I will take her back, but I have a question.” I said to him “okay”. The Lord Jesus said to me “Let me ask you this question. Would you marry you?”
That one question exposed all of me, it came from my creator, my “savior” who I was hiding from a lot of things which I did not want to give to Him, but with that one question I knew what it meant and I knew what He had known all along that Jesus knew all, nothing was ever nor will ever be from His view or judgment.
My answer came quick. I said to Him “no I would not”; although it was something that I wanted to happened. He said to me “ then change”. It was no longer about Ann it was all about my relationship with Jesus it had been distanced because I was not true to Him and until that happened I would not be ready for any relationship which would honor Him. To be concluded…..
In today’s (12/21 ) “Utmost for His Highest” Oswald Chamber says:
“Faith based on experience is not faith; faith based on God’s revealed truth is the only faith there is.”
Dear Kelly,
As was started Faith is about someone having authority over your life. Someone created me and I believe it is God the Father of Jesus Christ. God willed Jesus to us before time began Genesis 3:15 (NIV) And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he (Jesus Christ) will crush your (Satan) head, and you will strike his heel."
Jesus Christ was born and sent to us to be a sacrifice for our sins which divide us from God. But a gift is just a gift until you open it and faith is just a word until you define it in your life. Our Creator God the Father, Jesus His Son and the gift of the person the Holy Spirit await your unwrapping, but They will not unwrap it nor can anyone else. You have to unwrap it with your heart, and your heart must be at a point in which you and your heart are in need and ready to accept Gods gift to us Jesus Christ.
It does not come in one episode in your life. The above journey to meet Jesus again did not happen in just the setting with meeting my wife, although it was an episode in which once again I took one closer step in having a relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Each day I know Him more by spending time in His word and devotions dedicated to Jesus Christ and each day I call on Him for help and each day I discover His love for me and God’s love for all of us.
John 3:16-21 (NIV) 16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."
For a long time I choose not to open my heart to Jesus, I chose to walk in the darkness (false light of the world) of all the world has to offer..
Each day I still have the choice, but as for today I choose the Lord Jesus Christ and put my Faith in Him alone, although I may seek other ways I come back to Him, for He is my Rock and my Savior.
Your friend and sinner in debt to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Davis.
To Kelly and All subscribers,
When your heart is ready to unwrap and begin your new relationship with our Creator Jesus Christ here is a website which can give you an understanding how to begin your relation and know that you belong to Him. www.YoursForLife.net
Dear Kelly,
What God wants is to have us reflect Him, just like I want my four children to reflect Him. If it wasn't for Jesus Christ I would not have any concept as to how to do such a thing.
God wanted to show how much He loves us so He sent His light Jesus Christ, to number one be able to approach Them (God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit) thru repentance, number two to believe in Them and once we do They have a place to live and reflect Their love for us. Then to shore up with your father's wise sentence; ""Aw, Lovey," he says, "don't you see? What do you think makes a man spend his days trying to cure cancer?"
What it means to me although I may be way off base, but here you go. What it means to me is, why do you think God sent His Son Jesus? He was sent so we can have a relationship with Him and He with us by belief and can live forever with Him. It is His promise.
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
As mentioned in earlier post, you have to unwrap it, He won't. Asking Jesus into your life is not what Jesus asked. He says, Mark 1:15"The time has come," he said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!"
A Word with You, by Ron Hutchcraft
What to Do With the Messes We've made:
One day, Jesus Christ came to the door of my life, and there was my mess - the mess we all have. The sin, the selfishness, the scars, the trail of tears we've left. But Jesus said, "No problem. For this reason I have come, to put your things in order." That's what He has done for millions of people around the world. That's what He's waiting to do for you...on your invitation.
Sin really does mess things up. It messes up marriages, children, relationships, reputations, bodies, minds, souls. A lifetime of living our way instead of God's way is just too much for any human to clean up. No matter how religious or how nice we try to be. The Bible is blunt about how bad the mess is. It says in Isaiah 59:2, "Your sins have cut you off from your God." Imagine, cut off from the One who has the love, the meaning, and the eternal life that we're looking for. And in case we're operating under the illusion that somehow we can remove this mess that separates us from our God, the Bible simply says, "No one will be declared righteous in His sight by observing the law...All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:20, 23).
There are two deadly mistakes that keep people from heaven. Thinking you're too good to need Jesus or thinking you're too bad for Jesus to take you. Both wrong - dead wrong. The truth is illustrated vividly in our word for today from the Word of God in Isaiah 6, beginning with verse 3. God's prophet, Isaiah, sees a vision with the Lord seated on His throne and angels proclaiming, "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty." This great spiritual leader is leveled when he sees how holy God is. He says, "Woe to me!...I am ruined! I am a man of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty." Then an angel comes to him with the cleansing of God and says, "Your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
That can happen to you at the cross of Jesus Christ, because it was there that your sin was paid for. And it's there and there alone that the mess can be removed. Knowing every wrong thing you've ever done, Jesus stands ready right now to say to you, "Your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for." That is the moment you are forgiven and you are free.
But like that housekeeping person at the door, you have to invite Him in. If you're not sure you've ever done that, you probably haven't. When you give yourself to Jesus, you know you did. And it makes no sense to keep living with the mess of a lifetime of sin, knowing that if you die with that mess there, you have no chance of heaven. You'll be without God forever.
But right now, Jesus stands ready to make you clean in a way you could have never dreamed possible. He made His move when He died on the cross for you. Now, it's your move to tell Him you're putting all your trust in Him to be your personal Rescuer from your personal sin.
Our website is there to help you it is YoursForLife.net
Jesus is standing at the door, and He's waiting to clean up the mess. It's your move now.
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